Funny Quotes

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

When all is said and done more is said than done.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I wish I were you so I could be friends with me.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

I'm not here right now but if you scream really loud into your monitor I might be able to hear you!

Has your mind ever just gone blank? Well sometimes that happens to me and...WHAT? What was I talking about? My mind just went blank.

Help!Ican'tfindthespacebar!

Sory speelcheck isnt werking so my speling isnt tew goed...

Did you know by reading this you have wasted 14 seconds of your life?

Don't Worry!, I dont know where I am either.

I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself, so if I get back before I return, please ask me to wait.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

I do what my cheerios tell me.

Ahhh! MOO! The evil cows are attacking me! MOO! Can't you hear them?! MOOOOOOO! Ah make it stop! MOOMY!!!!!!!

I'm having a staring contest with my monitor.

I hope your life is like toilet paper, long and useful.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Learn from yesterday, live for today, party tomorrow.

*.¸¸.·´¨`»*.¸¸.·´¨`»*.¸¸.·´¨`»*.¸¸.·´¨`»*.¸¸.·´¨`»*

I guess I shoudn't have taken the blue pills with the pink pills with the green pills with the purple pills with the orange pills.

Live everyday of your life like your ass is on fire!

Life is like toilet paper, the shorter the roll gets the faster is goes. So use each little square all ya can.

There are to many wishing stars in the sky so why isn't mine working?

My T-shirt would look great on your bedroom floor!

I'm looking for as much trouble as possible. Can you get me in some?

Talk to my ass cause my head is tired of listening!

Make me believe that this place isn't plagued by the poisen in me.

I'm the sweetest thang you'll ever know, so baby don't ever let me go.

Strong enough for a man, made for a woman.

I never thought that I could want someone so much...

Today is not my day, cause the sun just won't shine my way.
Let all your guys be AMERICAN but all your kisses FRENCH.

First a fire, then flame...I'm a girl no guy can tame!

Every girl wants one guys to meet her needs, but aevery guys wants all the girls to meet his one need.

It's not cheating if you like what you get.

I love everyone...except you...or you...ew especially you...Not you either...but I do love ME!

I love everyone...except you...or you...ew especially you...Not you either...but I do love YOU!

Don't kiss at the garden gate, for love is blind but neighbors aint!

Heaven won't take me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

God made the land, god made the sea, god needed a princess so he made me!

All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You , And I Thank God That I Finally Found You

You have to kiss alot of toads before you get your prince charming.

Pardon me while I burst into flames.........I'm tried of this world.

*Sometimes I dream about being caried off by a big giant squirrel.
Does that make me a nut?*

I thought that U+ME=Never, but it turned out that it meant 4ever

u kno what? u need to call 1-800 get-a-life and stop revolving around mine!

If I kiss him will he stop talking?

Why do free thinkers all think alike?

~Rosez r red
Violetz r blu
Suga iz sweet
but revenge iz 2~

Do you come with a instruction manual cuz ur confussin me!

Women are stupider than men, because we date them.

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Does the noise inside my head bother you?

i WeNt FrOm CaNdY aNd ToYz
2 CeLlPhOnEz AnD bOyZ

You! off my planet

I love not being you :)

did u know ur smart?
smart as a cucumber on wheels!

Always remember your unique, just like everyone else!

Food For Thought

*# Only as high as I reach, can I grow
Only as far as I reach, can I go
Only as deep as I look, can I see
Only as much as I dream, can I be.
- Karen Ravn

*# When you talk of the past, you look back;
when you talk of the future, you look forward
but when it's the talk of the present you should look around.
- Edward Jarvis.

*# A good laugh is a sunshine in the house
- William M Thackeray

*# Existence is a strange bargain.
Life owes us very little; we owe it everything
The only true happiness comes from
squandering ourselves for a purpose.
- James Mason Brown

*# Between two evils, choose neither,
Between two goods, choose both.
- Tryon Edwards

*# Characters do not change, opinions alter,
But characters are only developed.
- Benjamin Disraeli

*# There is no good, there is no bad;
these be the whims of mortal will;
that works me well that I call "good",
what harms and hurts me I hold as "ill".
- Sir Richard Burton

*# We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark;
the real tragedy is when men are afraid of the light.
- Plato

# Error is the force that welds men together;
truth is communicated to men only by deeds of truth
- Tolstoy

*# Happiness is the art of making a bouquet of flowers within reach
- Bob Goddare

*# Great minds have purpose, others have wishes
- Washington Irving

*# What you can do, or dream you can, begin it:
boldness has the genius, power and magic in it
- Goethe

*# Happiness is the only good.
The place to be happy is here.
The time to happy is now.
The way to be happy is to make others so.
- Robert Ingersoll

*# Do not worry about people not knowing you,
but strive so that you may be worth knowing.
- Confucius

*# Time wasted is existence; used is life
- Edward Young

*# Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well
- Lord Chesterfield

*# No one knows what it is that he can do till he tries
- Publilius Syrus

*# The best definition of wealth is
the possession of whatever
gives us happiness, contentment,
or a sense of one's significance
in the scheme of things
- Ernest Watson

*# You spend all your life trying to do something
they put people in asylums for.
- Jane Fonda

*# Not all men are stupid,
Some stay BACHELORS

*# Trust no future, however pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act - act in the living present!
Heart within, and God overhead!
- Longfellow

*# Courage consists not in blindly overlooking
danger, but in meeting it with open eyes.
- Jean Paul Richter

*# Winners never Quit
Quitters never Win.
- Anonymous

*# Our destiny changes with our thoughts;
we shall become what we wish to become,
do what we wish to do,
when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire.
- Orison S Marden

# What light is to eyes - what air is to lungs -
what love is to heart - liberty is to the soul of man.
- R G Ingersoll

*# When all think alike, then no one is thinking.
- Walter Lippmann

# I think, therefore I am.
- Rene Descartes

*# The practice of true religion consists of two branches,
giving honor to God, and doing good to men.
- Samuel Clarke

# This is our chief bane, that
we live not according to the light of reason,
but after the fashion of others.
- Seneca

# Idleness is the only refuge of weak minds,
and the holiday of fools.
- Lord Chesterfield

# One of the greatest pains to human nature
is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

*# The rose is fairest when it is budding new,
And hope is brightest when it dawns from fears.
- Sir Walter Scott

*# Logic is a sword, all blades and no handles.
It bleeds the hand that holds it.
- R. Tagore

*# Honor and shame from no condition rise;
Act well your part : there all the honour lies.
- Pope

*# There are two kinds of men who amount to much :
those who cannot do what they are told,
and those who can do nothing else.
- Cyrus H Curtis

*# Let us have the faith that right makes might,
and in that faith let us to the end dare
to do our duty as we understand it.
- Lincoln

*# There is no dependence that can be sure
but a dependence on one's self.
- John

*# The greatest of faults is
to be conscious of none.
- Thomas Carlyle

*# The nearest way to glory is to
strive what to be what you wish to be
thought to be.
- Socrates

*# Conscience is that still small voice
that makes us feel still smaller.
- Samuel Clemens

# Character is what you are in the dark
- Dwight Moody

# Determine to like your work,
Then it will become a pleasure, not drudgery.
Change your self and your work will seem different
- Dr. Norman Peale

# A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool.
- Moliere

*# Be nice to people on your way up
because you'll meet them on your way down.
- Wilson Mizner

*# City Life : Millions of people being lonesome together.
- Henry David Thoreau

*# Once you lend respect you get returns in terms of respect
- Lorrens Sten

*# Like day and night, joy and despair are part of life.
They keep taking turns.
- John Milton

# Success comes not by talking but by doing what we talk.
- Robert Flair

*# Positive thinking, positive approach yield positive results.
- James Mulan

*# We see things not as they are, but as we are.
- H. M. Tomlinson

*# Man must seek his happiness and inward peace
from objects which cannot be taken away from him.
- Wilhelm von Humboldt

*# Silence is as deep as Eternity;
Speech as shallow as Time.
- Thomas Carlyle

*# To really enjoy pleasures, you must know how to leave them.
- Voltaire

*# When things go wrong, there is a lesson to be learnt.
- Shaun Williams

*# Our todays and yesterdays are the blocks with which we build.
- H. W. Longfellow

*# I must know what it means to die, so that I can live.
- J. Krishnamurti

*# The best place to succeed is where you are
with what you have.
- Charles Schwab

# The happiness in your life depends
upon the quality of your thoughts.
- Marcus Aurelius

*# A good woman inspires a man,
A brilliant woman interests him,
A beautiful woman fascinates him,
A sympathetic woman gets him.
- Edgar Moss

*# Every temptation is a test of your strength.


*# Nothing is permanent in this world : day, time, year.
The only permanent thing is the change that occurs every day, minute, year.
- Mark Ledger

*# Television commercials are educational.
They teach you how stupid advertisers think you are.
- FPJ

*# The impossible is often untried.
- Jim Godwin

*# What we must decide is how we are valuable rather than how valuable we are.
- Edgar Freedenberg

*# Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another
as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.
- Thomas Jefferson

*# There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
- Beverly Sills

*# I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.
- W. E. Henley.

*# The conditions of conquest are always easy.
We have but to toil awhile, endure awhile,
believe always, and never turn back.
- Seneca.

*# What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it;
boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
- Johann von Goethe

*# As a cure for worrying, work is better than whisky.
- Thomas A. Edison

*# If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live a life which he has imagines,
he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau

*# Humor is the great thing, the saving thing.
The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away
and a sunny spirit takes their place.
- Mark Twain

*# There is no need of any competition with anybody.
You are yourself and as you are, you are perfectly good.
Accept yourself.
- Osho

*# The only service a friend can really render is to keep
up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which
you can see a noble image of yourself.
- George Bernard Shaw

*# A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation
with the bricks that others throw at him.
- David Brinkley

*# The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear.
- William Bryan

*# A mind that is fast is sick,
A mind that is slow is sound,
A mind that is still is divine.
- Meher Baba